....no destination in mind.  Just walking.  I don't remember where I started..
not sure where I'm going.  What I do know is... somewhere... out there...
awaits my destiny. My life. The meaning.  The truth. 

				The Me.

I continue walking along... creating my path. I am comfortable in my
nakedness. I feel the leaves crackle beneath my feet.  It is autumn.
Wherever I am.  A light breeze blows occasionally.. reminding me of my 
physical existence.  I am lost within myself.

I stop.. kneel down.. and pick up a leaf.  Looking at this wonderous 
creation I am now holding, painted of reds and oranges and yellows..
by the Great Mother Earth herself.  For some reason I am drawn to this 
leaf and decide to keep it.  Putting the leaf into my hair, I continue
along my path.

Soft raindrops begin to fall and I twirl around dancing in the tears 
from the sky... soothing as they fall against my naked skin... I continue
walking.

I come upon a large rock,  Intrigued by its powerful presence, I begin
to climb.  The Rock is about the height of myself, and again.  
Once on top of the rock, I stand... looking around.  Seeing further
than I could before.  I can see the sun setting in the horizon. I 
can see leaves in many hues of red and orange. I feel total comfort.
I learn.

I step down from the rock... still walking, I come upon a body of water.
Slowly, peacefully, I step into the water. I walk. I walk so far into 
the water, my feet lose contact with the ground. . . I begin to swim.

Swimming farther, growing tired, I begin to float on my back.
Resting my tired muscles and bones... feeling the trusted water
surround me.  gazing up at the dusky sky.

I reach the other side of the body of water. Someone or something
is here. I feel its existence... but I see nothing. Sight... my 
eyes seem to have eluded me.  I call out "aye!" but there is no
response.  I hear no voice.. no beastly sound... nothing. 

yet my instinct... deep inside... I know something or someone is
here with me.  I feel it walk with me. Though I can not see,
something inside me knows direction. I begin to feel as if I am 
carrying a weight twice that of my own. I am beginning to find it 
harder to walk in the direction my body wants to take me...
 Losing ground of where I am... I begin to weep.

Seeing a faint haze before me, I realize that it is not my
eyes that have eluded me, but a darkness that has enveloped me.
Again I feel the soft breeze against my nakedness as my tears 
slowly fall.  Growing tired, and still unaware of where I am, I 
curl up to sleep.

Expecting the sun of dawn when I awaken from my slumber, I am 
at a loss when I open my eyes to more darkness.  Again I call
out "aye!"  ... Still nothing.

I walk... But this time, I let the darkness lead me. Soon, I 
forget the light... the rock... the leaf... I become more 
comfortable in the darkness.  I move lazily.  Letting this 
other existence have its way choosing my direction. my 
path. my destiny.

I only exist now.  Thoughts,  Ideas, passions... a faint memory.
Dreams are nothing but a fairy tale. The darkness has taught
me new dreams. Smothered my own. Convinced that I need not worry.
I need not call out. darkness will take care of everything.

Existence seems to have changed me... no more do I see the
lovely hues in the trees. No more do I feel the soft sprinkle 
of raindrops. No more am I comfortable in my nakedness. I 
cover myself with the leaves and brush... whatever is around
me. Even in this darkness, I feel humility, I feel shame.
I feel small. unimportant. Enveloped in such a strong existence,
yetI have never felt more alone.

Reaching up, I feel the leaf. Reminding me of my journey.  My destiny.

					
							I weep.


(c)2000 Shaden